I've faced it. To be among 66% of late bloomers white collars who found out they were in wrong career. Worst, i've studied 10 years, in a field that i discovered does not fit me. Apparently, i'm completing my doctorate in the said field. Three years back at my first postgraduate graduation, i thought of officially saying goodbye to this field. i talked with people and get sneered. i talked with family and the response i got was, "you are not working in the industry yet, who knows you will grow to love it".
Probably approval seeking, probably not, but i took chances. Perhaps, (hopefully) i will grow to love this field despite my inner self screaming 'why?'. To cut the story short, i pursued PhD, unplanned and out of nowhere. and for the love of God, I can't believe i'm arriving the finishing line - in a field that i presumed to have no future in. Coaches, friends, families lauded my achievement. but me.... i thought the reason i arrived so far was just because of my constant self-critism. When i lack passion and enthusiams, i beat myself, telling me that i do not work hard enough. I feel guilty whenever watching that 30 minute sitcom during study breaks. In short, i live by the rule, 'to be happy is not working what you like, but liking your work'...(i've already forgotten how they are worded). So, i kind of pushing my self to create that 'LIKING' everyday.
Then i bumped into Oprah's caption on yahoo dailys (i didn't remember how they were worded) - "when you do something and it feels right, then its for you"...something like that. I was struck with a moment of dissapointment, not for wasting time doing something i don't like, but worst - NOT EVEN KNOWING WHAT I WANTED TO DO.
Did I waste 10 years of my time? All of the hardworks, just for my name being beautifully crafted on a laminated scroll? Just to have a 'DR' written on every wedding invitation? I almost thought that this the silliest mistake I've made in my life. But then, life began to take a new leaf in august 2008. I have not only realised my true passion, but better, having to realise how 'my wasted-10-years-writing-that-some600-pages-theses' have led me to discover my true passion.
WRITING.
no life experience is wasted after all.
About Me
- whiteselendang
- I'm always in thirst for old manuscripts and knowledge. I make a decent living googling, joining unrelated ideas together, critising (in a healthy way), analysing, organising ideas, and ultimately, writing an artistic piece of work.
2 comments:
keep writing, kikie! follow your heart =D we actually benefit the world better by doing something we love or good at, rather than doing something where your heart's not innit. I love reading your piece! Your writing has that entertaining quality! =D
Thank you for all your support Ilya. You are likely to succeed doing things that you like. But you are sure of success when you get support from caring friends. Thanks for giving me hope.
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